A few years ago I was her. I always had a crush on him. I couldn't wait until I had the opportunity to be just around him. So one day he messages me on Facebook. I was shocked because he never showed any signs of interest. So we begin conversing and getting to know each other better. Yes he made me smile and made my days so much better. I felt like I could talk with him about anything. He was perfect! I asked him if he had a girlfriend? His reply was "prolly if I wasn't at a distance I would." I should have seen that as a sign but instead I was enjoying the moments. He didn't live in Mississippi because he moved away. So one day I got a chance to go visit him and he showed me the most amazing time ever. I didn't want to leave. Then things started to change I felt like it changed after the sex because the conversations just wasn't the same. We wouldn't talk more (his reason was because he doesn't like talking on the phone he rather be face to face). He doesn't do distance. Yes all of those were red flags, but my dumb ass ignored them because I felt like it would get better. Keep in mind he has to come home for holidays and to visit his kids. He never invited me over to meet his family, I never met his kids, I never heard from him during those times and he make me feel like shit when I complained about it. Oh it's nothing, I'm out, I was busy I was with riding with someone my phone was dead, I wasn't with her. But guess what I believed every motherfucking word. In my mind I knew he was lying but I stayed anyway. I did because I wanted to be with this man. I found out the girl's Instagram information and what's fucked up is they are not even friends on social media. Not only that, certain holidays she would post pictures of them and I would screenshot it and send it to him and you know what he would say "it's not what it seems, we ran into each other I didn't know she was there, it's nothing going on with us". Guess what I would break it off and take my ass right back to him because he knew what to say and do to just get me back. So one day I built the courage to write on her pic Valentine's weekend. I wrote "you can have him he is all yours" keep in mind this was a drill weekend and I always wore fad hairstyles so I had to cover my styles with a wig. So she facetimes me from her phone while I'm at drill. Keep in mind I'm looking a mess so she caught me on my bad day. Yeah the bitch caught me slipping. I know you are wondering how she get your number? Oh prior to this, calls me block talking shit about nothing saying she went through his phone. Which I thought was stupid because she never mentioned him she just talked about my looks. But not only that she called 3 times talking about nonsense. But she facetimes me with him laying in the bed yes his no good ass was laying in her bed. Y'all I kid you not you know how something catches you off guard and you lost for words. That's how I was on that phone. She was going in on me and all I could do was smile. That's the only thing I could do. I hate that I didn't spazz out on her but the words couldn't come out. Oh after I hang up on her my so called man is texting me saying don't entertain her all type of bullshit. He goes to say I need to talk to you in person. I need to tell you everything. So we meet to talk and he wasn't saying shit basically the same bullshit he says when he gets caught up. So I just stopped talking to him. Then a month later I found out she is pregnant. So I screenshot the picture and said congratulations and he messages me back the next day saying I hate I'm having a baby by her, I don't really think this is my baby, how you almost 40 and not on birth control, I didn't want a baby by her, but I will take responsibilities if it's mine. So of course I said nigga you know that's your baby. Like why fucking lie about something like that. That's just stupid. So we stop talking and one day he texts me with a screen shot of his mugshot of being arrested for 5 charges. So I started conversing with him again and went back on my word like a dumb bitch. I just felt like things would have been different which I was just fooling myself because that Nigga was still playing the same games. So then he invited me to go with him out of town for his birthday but guess what I found out through pictures he went out of town with her instead. Y'all I am so fucking serious that's when I knew oh hell I gots to go. I know you saying damn bitch your ass should have been gone way before now. But I used to be the same person telling another female who was in the same shoes as I to leave. Sometimes it's easy to say it then actually doing it. I lost myself completely with this guy, I lost so much weight during that time period. I wasn't really focused on my business because I was stressing and trying to get his attention. I tatted his name on me which is one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. I lost myself with him because I thought I was not good enough for him. I really thought that. I felt like I couldn't live with out him. I felt like he truly wanted me because of certain things he said. I want you, I love you, I'm in love with you. You got my heart, she is not in the picture, I don't want her, etc. I started believing that I really did because I lost my self worth because those things he said over powered the things he did.
No we are not together. He broke my heart and the pain that comes with that I think hurts worst then walking on shattered glass. It's like a person take a piece of you away when you get your heart broken. I started taking my problems out on my family and friends. I didn't want to hang out because I though I would miss his call or him coming over knowing he wasn't going to come over nor call.
I say this to each of you reading this. Don't ever think God doesn't just show you who people are just to show you. He knows when a person has their best interest for you at heart. Don't try to fix a person by changing them to be the person you want them to be. If it's not something they want don't force it. Yes being in a relationship is a good feeling but it's the best feeling when y'all both respect each other, love each other through the good and bad, when y'all can communicate and trust each other. Know your worth ladies because what you feel ain't ok isn't ok don't ever question yourself and think you maybe over reacting or he will change because 9 times out of 10 you are not. We are all beautiful, smart and the prize. Don't ever feel like he is the only man left on earth that can make you happy by putting with things you are against. They need us because we are the backbone. They only do things to hurt us because we allow it. We have to be the change and not accepting to things that are not true to us because in the end we hurting more because they are still getting their cake and eating too. Don't be like me. Yes I'm human I have feelings and I had fallen in love with fuck niggas before and in reality I was the side chick.
CAGED BUSTIER: (Pink Pebbles Boutique) HERE
DRESS: (Missguided, Sold Out)
HEELS: (Missguided, Sold Out)