Sarah Neely

Friend Series: Should Friends Be Honest?

Sarah Neely
Friend Series: Should Friends Be Honest?

"What about your friends, will they stand their ground, Will they let you down again?" TLC

Are you the brutally or gently honest friend?  We as friends want people who will tell us straight and not lie (at least that's what we tell ourselves). But how do we do that without causing problems, being jealous, or rude?  It isn't easy being honest with someone you love when you know it may hurt your or even end the friendship. Being honest with people is a crucial step in becoming friends. Honesty is all about trust. If your friends can count on you to be the one person in their life that will tell them the truth (the same truth that no one else will) they will appreciate you a lot more.  

The trouble is sometimes when we are brutally honest, we may say things to hurt our friend's feelings. It's sometimes a fine line between honesty and rudeness. 

 It's best to be gently honest to your friends. 

There are two types of situations when your friend is going to need your honest opinion: when they ask you for it and when you need to step in and tell them something for their own good. In the first situation, your friend is simply asking for your thoughts. Answer them gently, without trying to give them a dig or take them down a notch.

For example, if your friends ask, "Do you like who I'm dating?" You have a couple ways to respond: 

You can be brutally honest, "Are you kidding? He's ain't shit. He’s always disrespecting you. He’s still talking to other women. Hell naw!"  Or you can be gently honest, "Well, I like that you seem happy, but I'm concerned about how he is treating you right now."

An additional example, if your friend asked, "Does this outfit look good on me?" You could be brutally honest, "Girl naw! It makes you look big and nasty." Or you be gently honest, "I'm partial to the one you wore yesterday."

In the examples above, you're still being honest, but you're doing it in a way that isn't hurtful.

Being honest doesn't mean offering your friends unwanted advice, either. It's okay to tell the truth, and if you're concerned about one aspect of their life, speak on it. But do it in a loving manner.

For example, if your friend is doing something out of control, you should talk to them. In this case again, you have the choice to make your comments brutal or gentle.

When you are being brutally honest, "Girl what's your problem? You've been moping around here like you lost your best friend.  Or you can be gently honest and say   "I haven't heard from you in a while. Are you doing ok? Talk to me I'm here for you."

Remember your friends don't want you to lie to them, but they also don't need you to lay your negative opinions on them. There is a balance between honesty and just blurting out words that can harm for years to come. Check yourself to make sure you respond without jealousy or anger, which can also add to brutal honesty rather than gentle honest

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Photographed by Smith The Photographer

Photographed by Smith The Photographer

Photographed by Smith The Photographer

Photographed by Smith The Photographer

Photographed by Smith The Photographer

Photographed by Smith The Photographer

Photographed by Smith The Photographer

Photographed by Smith The Photographer

Photographed by Smith The Photographer

Photographed by Smith The Photographer