Sarah Neely

Friend Series: Can A New Boo Kill A Friendship?

Sarah Neely
Friend Series: Can A New Boo Kill A Friendship?

Have you ever been in a relationship where you cut your friends off for the new man? 

It happens time and time again.  Either your friends don't like your boyfriend or your friends disappear when you get a new boyfriend. Its true, relationships can sometimes destroy or end some of your greatest friendships. But who's fault is it?  The girl with the new man or the reactions of her friends when she gets the man?  It can easily be a combination of both. Sometimes we make those mistakes and don't realize it. Let's take a look at a few mistakes that we as women make when dealing with the new man in their life, whether it's your man or your friends man. Below are how relationships can destroy friendships: 

1. We assume our friends are jealous:

"Oh she's just jealous!"  Let's be honest, we all have probably said this before (I know I have). This usually the number one problem that leads to the destruction of friendship. We use jealousy as an excuse to be inconsiderate of our friends' feelings or disregard what they have to say for an excuse to continue to be all over our man. But in reality your friends may be genuinely concerned for your well being or they maybe concerned about y'all friendship. Not saying it's not possible they are jealous, but it s also possible your friends are NOT jealous. Don't make this a habit to be an excuse and ignore the real problems.

2. We expect things to be the same

We tend to point the finger at our friends on this. This is one of the most common mistakes we as friends tend to make when we are teenagers but believe it or not, we as women still continue to do it, even when we get older.  We expect our friend with their new boo to spend the same amount of time with us. There is nothing in life that ever stays the same, people change and grow in different ways. We sometimes are accepting to these type of changes when it comes our friends getting a new job, moving away or growing up. But why can't we expect relationships to be any different? 

3. We replace our friends with our new boo

We all know what it feels like when your friend gets a new boo, she tosses her friends to the side like a rag doll for a guy she only known for a month. Don't we hate that shit?  The sad part about it, we express our thoughts about this to our friends but she still runs to her man. But it's hard to tell her that because we can be considered a bad friend. In some cases like this, it's more then likely not worth repairing. Your man should never be a replacement for your friends and if you feel like your friend doesn't see this, then she probably doesn't value your friendship enough.

4. Your friends think you will always be there.

This usually don't start out as a negative intent. It's like one of those things where many small things accumulate into something big. You may not have seen nor talked to your friends in a while so you're like maybe I should call them today?  Then you be like I can talk to them tomorrow, I got plans with my man today. Your friends invite you to hang out, but you find an excuse and say we can go out next weekend I'm going out with my man tonight. You can't keep putting your friends at the bottom of your priority list. You should think about how this would make them feel. You should also think this work both ways. Who are you going to run to when you have problems with your man?  You would be lucky if they are still even there!

5. Include your friends' man

We all don't want your friend's man ruining our girls night but come on ladies, we have to be endearing and inviting to him as well. Just because we don't want him to tag along on girls night out, that doesn't mean we can't try a dinner night or some other special event. Sometimes we should make sure to invite both of them because it will make the boyfriend more accepting of you as her friends, but she will also be more appreciative of you as a friend knowing she can share this important aspect of her life with you.

6. Friends sometimes stop inviting the friend

We as women have the tendency to stop inviting our friend out to many get togethers when one of our friends get a new man.  Sometimes we think that we are respecting the relationship by giving them space. But to be honest, some women get insecure about this and starts to interpret it as you having a problem with their relationship. Sometimes this is because the women with the new man has been giving the string of no's to multiple invites just because she thinks having a boyfriend is an excuse to say no. But at the end of the day, there has to be some balance. Don't automatically start giving your friend space and assume you shouldn't try to spend time with friends just because you have a boyfriend.

7. Always bringing your man

Let's keep it real, sometimes we don't want your boyfriend around and sometimes he doesn't want to be around either. Stop always trying to mix the two together!  This sometimes causes your friends to resent him because they feel like he's always getting in the way, and he will also feel like your friends are getting in the way of your alone time. All to say, certain things are just better done with the girls and certain things are better done alone with your man. The sooner we can accept this, the easier life will be.

8. There is life outside your relationship.

It does become normal to almost forget you do have a life outside your relationship whether it's a serious one or marriage. This one not only applies to friend, it's also about family, work, leisure, and your "me" time. When you and your significant other spend so much time together that becomes the norm for you and when you spend time on things not related to your other half it becomes not normal. However, just because this becomes a normal thing for you that doesn't mean it's healthy. It's always important to maintain a balance in all aspects of your life. What happens if your relationship doesn't last?  The world would probably seem like a very lonely place won't it?  You wouldn't know how to function outside of your relationship and you will face very few people for emotional support. You will start feeling like the world probably abandoned you, when in reality you abandoned the world.

Photographed by Smith the Photographer

Photographed by Smith the Photographer

Photographed by Smith the Photographer

Photographed by Smith the Photographer

Photographed by Smith the Photographer

Photographed by Smith the Photographer

Photographed by Smith the Photographer

Photographed by Smith the Photographer