Sarah Neely

Backward Compliments! Stop Doing it!

Sarah Neely
Backward Compliments! Stop Doing it!

You are beautiful, for a dark skin girl!

You look good, for a big girl!

I love your red hair, but I loved your black the best!

You look really good, for a pregnant woman!

 We all love getting compliments, right?  They are fun. They make us feel all warm and excited on the inside.  They lighten up our day and we remember them when we aren't feeling our best. But what happens when a compliment starts to feel more like an insult?  When you are told something that was potentially supposed to flatter you, but leaves you confused instead?

 Recently my sister was venting about a backwards compliment she was given. She wanted to know if she was reading too much into what had been said. I thought about what that person had told her and ultimately decided, naw, she wasn't overreacting and I can see 100% why she was offended instead of flattered.  There were times that I appreciated weird compliments, such as; "You look different today, maybe it's the hair. I like that style but I like the other style the best!"  Or "You are so little, but it looks good on you!" Now here I am, still with my red hair (which isn't going to change) and my small frame (in which I love) and these backwards compliments just irk me.

Changing your hair color or losing weight doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.  It just means people want something different or something may have caused that change in their lives.  I am naturally skinny but usually when I’m in a relationship I pick up that “love” weight (you know the one where you are so in love, eating everything because he is feeding you all the time, and of course you have sex out of the roof, so hey that’s that love weight).  But I lost weight when I got out  of a relationship with a guy in which we just wasn’t meant for each other (I’ll tell you about that later).  My weight dropped because I’m not doing the things I was doing while in a relationship, I’m stressing still trying to cope with the fact I’m single when I invested all this time into this guy and we are no longer together, and now he is with someone else yes that was a hard pill to swallow but when people are not used to seeing you a certain size, they tend to throw those backward ass compliments and shit.  It gets annoying because I know I’m skinny, but I get tired of hearing “you are so little, but it looks good!”  “How you get so little, but you have a cute shape with it!” Women are allowed to look, dress, and wear the skin they're in however they choose.  A person can choose to lose or gain weight, cut or grow their hair, dye or highlight their hair, work out or have cosmetic surgery because those are choices they made to make themselves in order to feel better and achieve goals they may have set for themselves.  So do I look good (for being skinny) or do I just look good, period?  I’m not even asking literally here, Lord knows I don’t really want your opinion about my appearance via the Interne

Because the world likes to categorize us by our labels:  moms, dads, young, old, fit, not fit, skinny, fat, tall, short, ugly, pretty, etc… And guess what I’m guilty of it too.  When I see older people, I’m sure at one point or another, I categorized them in the “doing so well (for your age)” bracket:  Sometimes it just slips:  Its not on purpose.  You’re not trying to be a total bitch with your compliment to them, butttt it still feels like a dig.  If you don’t like your weight and not willing to fix your insecurities, awesome!  And for every skinny woman or man who loves their weight, we don’t want to be told that we look good for being skinny; just like you want to look good for (never working out? Working out a lot?  For being smart?  Or Short? Or tall?  Etc). 

So men and women, can we break the stereotypes?  Can we create positivity and spread sweet compliments to one another?  Let’s remember what not to say!

Girl, you look good.  Period

Dude, you are talented!  Period

Sister, you are gorgeous!  Period

Friend, you rock some beautiful styles! Period



JUMPSUIT:  (Thrift Store)

ROBE:  (Thrift Store)

SHOES:  (Old, River Island)

EARRINGS:  (Sold Out, It’s Fashion Metro)